✧2017✧

I will list up my k-pop related dreams. Look forward to it! *haha* and read what`s going on in #AFangirlsInsaneMind !

OTL: Site is now categorized in YEARS! So please choose a year in the sub-sites section my friends~

This is the k-dreams year of 2017*: ・゚✧
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The “My friend Yunho” dream
(ppl involved: Yunho and me)
December 2017

I found myself at an award event. There was audience, a lot of it tbh, but they were far behind us. I sat at a table with Yunho and other ppl that were (sort of) famous(?). Didn’t know who they were. Looked like it was young artists.
I had come to this show as our leader’s company (what happened to his girlfriend? I didn’t get to know).
It was a bigger, round table with like six other people on it. They didn’t bother me tho – as in ‘how an anti-social person is bothered by others’-way ^^° .
However, Yunho sat to my right. I had moved my chair over to his, so we sat side by side then. Mainly to talk to him without constantly leaning over and also because having Yunho literally by my side made me feel safe in this environment (event with many people are stressful for me… I am still not good with ppl in general >< It just felt super helpful to have him there).
He explained things about the show to me and I was listening interested. I am always curious about how these things work behind the scenes.
From the look of the table there was food to be served later. We all had plates and stuff. Right now there was a sort of rocky girl group performing. they were all dressed in black, looking cool (this element of my dream clearly came from unni sending me this Buono! video *haha* ^^ ). We watched them perform and I figured they were quite young. Must be a newer group but the audience seemed to like them.
Later, when the event ended and everyone left it turned a bit messy. All the people went outside this front entrance at the same time, as it seemed. Yunho and I got separated following the stream of ppl.
Outside I didn’t go far away from the entrance. I searched for my phone and messaged Yunho -I got lost, could someone pick me up? ^^ front entrance.- and just waited. Wherever he was he would come back.
While waiting I changed the corner I waited two times because there were too many ppl gathering around me. Made me feel uneasy. I took a deep breath and endured it. To distract myself I looked at past messages of Yunho in my messenger I had received. There were pics from photoshoot sets and comments of his below them. Scrolling through my photos there I noticed it was a lot! He had sent me tons of pics over the time… there were also pics from when he attempted to take pictures of me and I was having none of it xD it looked quite funny to tell the truth! Also, looked like it had been during our hiking the last time. Interesting! Never thought I would have a look-back on it again! ^^ My dreams work in strange ways! *haha*
I enjoyed looking at a display of our friendship! Rarely I do see things so clear in my dreams (like the stuff on my phone… incredible! °.° ).
It didn’t take him long to come back and find me. Suddenly he was there, smiling at me and ready to escort me to the car. Relieved to be found I happily linked arms with him.
Noticed again that he was quite the strong and tall person. (///∇///)♡ oh my gosh, I know why I am so weak for him! Gentlemen that are quite tall… someone save me! D:
While walking I thought about what Emmy had always said about Yunho and it was not helping. Only thought ‘God dammit…’ to myself. Being a fangirl and Yunho’s friends does hold some difficulties sometimes… ^^°°°
(like when you would want to fangirl but it would be really weird rn)


The “A Classic Case Of…” dream
(ppl involved: HanGeng, a cat, Siwon and me… and rather useless ppl)
September 2017

This was a bit weird but I had many weird dreams already.
So we were at my old home, meeting up with my grandma. And when I say -we- I mean Genny, Siwon and me.
I believe I introduced Genny to my grandma sometime in the past… hm, however, they know each other!
The boys had already met with grandma in her living room when I joined them.
Grandma sat in one end of the couch, Siwon somewhere besides her and Genny was sitting in the armchair across from the couch. To my susprise Siwon informed me that he had been learning knitting from grandma. He wanted to make his own scarf for winter. xD How weird! (grandma was knitting her own thing at the same time)
While I was still a bit amused by the whole scene this formed Siwon told me, a bit worried, that he is not sure if he can still use the scarf. I asked why. He said because the cat had started to use it as her favourite plaything. Well, under the cough table there was indeed a cat. … ONE OF GENG’S CAT! Why was the Han family cat here? Why did he bring it? I cannot tell ^^°
But it indeed hat much fun playing with the other end of Siwon’s knitted scarf. xD
For a bit I watched the cat, then I sat down on the armrest of the couch besides Siwon and we all talked a while. I don’t remember all we talked about but I remember that SiHan talked about their cars and Genny told us about his new career pathes he discovered lately. (no sh*t! he really did something else there! … race car driver… where does this boy even get the ideas for this stuff?)
So after talking and Siwon and me occasionally being the stupid “long married but still silly in love couple” we always are (exchanging kisses quite often & me thinking to myself how did I end up with such a cute husband) I decided to leave for a while.
There was this new public bath nearby and I wanted to have a look. So I changed into my swimsuit, threw some clother over it and crossed the street. It was one normal pool and several smaller, thermal bath pools. At this time of the day there were almost no ppl there either so I could try all the pools almost alone ^^ (for an anxious person getting used to the new environment in peace is very good).
A bit later I figured to ask the boys if they wanted to try this new bath out too so I went back. It wasn’t far after all.
Back in grandma’s living room they were all there where I left them. Went back to Siwon, we greet-kissed (hehe ^//^) and sat back down on the armrest because Genny was telling a story at the time and I didn’t want to iterrupt.
I noticed that Siwon side-glanced me several times and when Geng was done he asked me if I was wearing my swimming clothes under my shirt. Yes I was! Told them about the bath then and Siwon wanted to go. Genny said he doesn’t feel like swimming, he has to go somewhere. Okay, so we said bye to grandma, Geng left and Siwon and I went to the bath.
I don’t think he has ever been to a public bath here around so he was curious.
Sadly, I have to say, when we arrived there it appeared to be more crowded. Some workmates of mine (ok, not so bad) and… almost all of my old classmates I hate so dearly. Even our stupid teacher from back then = = hrrrr…. looked like a class reuninon in the pool & around it!
Good, me being brave because I wanted to enjoy this here thought if maybe I ignore them they will do the same or… maybe not notice me. WELL SHIT THEY DID!
So they gathered around nearby and the stupid girl I hate most had nothing better to do as to try bullying me again. Her clothes lay around all over the floor (whyever!??) and she said I should pick them up for her because she feels too tired.
But now wait!
I thought ‘bitch WTH! this is not highschool anymore! pff! as if… >__> ‘, I looked at her, looked at her clothes, looked back at her and said “This is not my problem.”.
Man! I wish I have had this kind of responses in highschool back then! So while I was still silently patting my own shoulder for this she started talking trash and then our stupid teacher joined her in basically saying I am still a pityful person. Well, bitch, I may have anxiety still but again, this was not high school anymore. I was not obligated to listen to this because I had the option to leave.
In the meantime Siwon had made it to the scene (he had to change first in the bathing cabin) and was hella confused whith the situation for a moment. When I saw him I walked towards him but could see he was getting the hang of what was going on. When he heard one of the stupid guys shouting mean things after me Siwon immediately asked this guy why he was saying these awful things.
I couldn’t hear their talks anymore because I was already shutting them out but noticed that the guy had a stupid answer and looking at Siwon I couldn’t fail to notice that he was about to snap. Maybe the other’s couldn’t see but I saw that he was really angry at that guy. The stupid guy turned his back and walked away then, Siwon wanted to go after him but I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. With all the stupids somewhere behind my back and Siwon glaring at that guy I said “Siwon. It’s okay.”. His eyes wandered from the guy to me and I said “Let’s just go somewhere else. I know another bath.”. The expression on his face changed and he seemed a bit sad. Sad for me, I mean. “You really know another?” he asked and I nodded. Then he asked if it was a bath with this and that, listing things public baths here use to have and I said yes. Then he smiled at me and said “I get the car.”.
Siwon left in a hurry to get the car and me was happy to leave this place. So I just kept walking back the same way I had come just now to leave. Stupid people behind me still talked trash and I could someone doing a bad impersonation of of mine going “hey I’m the girl who met the handsome guy wherever..” bla bla. didn’t hear the rest. I thought ‘if they only knew…’. I was so much better off than all of them. Our family, our pets, our house, our marriage… as if one of them would ever understand so I dind’t even try. I could have explained and be defensive but they would not be worth one more second of my time. ‘you just wait a sec.’, I thought to myself. Good that this thing has glass walls 😉
Got my things and went out of the door the minute Siwon drove Gabby around the corner and the slowly closing door behind me was open just long enough to notice the shocked silence. Yeah, they did not expect that, huh? ;P Stupids, deal with it.
Would have laughed but I simply got in the car and we drove off.
End of story =)

Love that it had a nice ending after all!
Siwon was my hero as always 😭 A classic case of: Everytime I think I cannot love him any more as I already do …. I CAN! I ALWAYS CAN!


The “Korean bbq” dream
(ppl involved: Yunho, Geng, Patti, another girl, Siwon and me)
September 2017

FUN GROUP MEETING!!!
We were at a place where they do/sold korean bbq & other things. It was one of the last day you could actually stand outside in the evening (aka: warm anough) and we gathered round this korean bbq thing!
Well it was not for me, I ordered ramen. A huge bowl! =D But the others were grilling away. I was eating my soup and picking at the non-meat side dishes ^^
It was a lounge style around this grill. The perfect outside setting for this kind of stuff. It was a fenced in area in front of the restaurant and there was a bar too. We could see it from our table/grill/whatever through the open main door.
There was an L-cough and two chairs round the grill. Genny, me and Siwon were sitting on that couch (from left to right), Patti sat on the chair across of Siwon and besides her in the other chair some famous actress (I do not remember who exactly). One of Siwon’s friends? Patti’s? I dunno. She was already there when I got there. ^^
The other had been there for half an hour or so when I arrived. A bit later still Yunho appeared and… HE BROUGHT A GIRL!
WOAH! Slow down right there! Was it… was it his girlfriend maybe?! =D
I tugged Siwon’s shirt to make him look right away. I asked him if he knows her. He said no.
Mystery girl! European, on top of that. She seemed to be around 30.
Yunho came over to us to greet us and also sort of apologized for bringing the girl and not telling us beforehand. He hoped it was, okay and really, we had no problem with that. He told us that she had studied in korea until recently and would now start looking for a job.
That was pretty much all information we got.
The two of them went over to the bar first and I climbed over to Siwon’s side completely (the short part of the L-cough) to spy on them xD
Yeah, not really decent. I wasn’t hiding my interest. Could see how they went inside and at the door Yunho let her enter first, gently leading her inside with his hand on her lower back.
I was like ” O: !!!!!!! ” “I believe they are dating!” I whispered aggressively excited to Siwon, but he was not so wild about it. Tsk… a bit more excitement please! Leader-ssi and a possible girlfriend! SIWON WHY U NO THRILLED ABOUT THAT?!
Well, he was busy with his food (mine couldn’t burn after all ^^) and I spied on them a while longer but nothing more interesting happened besides Yunho ordereing drinks for them. Hm.
I sat back down, halfway on Siwon’s lap, cuddling up to him and picking up food from the bowls on the table here and there.
Some time passed, Patti was talking about fashion things with the actress and they compared their styles at the moment while Genny and I had started to talk and having a good time as real good buddies.
Yunho and the girl were there for a while too. Just long enough to hear me declare to all gathered around (if they wanted to know or not) that Genny is “basically my baby” and that I would always look out for him.
Quite a drunken-sounding statement for someone who is never drinking a bit xD Genny was amused and Siwon grinned while grilling his meat. Nevermind the actress I had no connection to: We were all friends here!
Yunho and the girl then left round the corner behind our table but there was a mirror so I could still spy on them without doing some sort of snake-neck around the corner xD *haha*
First nothing happened but then I saw them KISS!!! OMG! They really kissed! I saw it, clear as day, I swear to yall! I inhaled deeply in excited shock and covered my mouth with my hand right away because I felt like squaling and feared I would!
I jumped over to Siwon and informed him right away “Omg! they kissed! It’s his girlfriend!”. This was like such a huge deal for me! First he randomly brings this girl we have never seen out and then this! Oh – my – god ! Leader-ssi is dating someone! jaSDJFALKSDJFMSADF!!!! WHEN?! DID?! THAT?! HAPPEN?!
However, this gave me a bunch of mushy feelings and I curled up in Siwon’s arm and we kissed too ^^ I remembered, from a long time ago, that we once started out random like that too. Ah well, the ways of love =)


The “A Fangirl’s Feelings” dream
(ppl involved: Yunho, Siwon and me)
September 2017

Aaaaah~ my feels! My feels were all over the place!
Since Siwon came back it meant Yunho is back from the army too! How time flies!
And god knows I have some fangirl feelings for him – even tho he is a good friend of mine he is also everyone’s forever bias ^///^ (I am not sure if Siwon knows… I hope he is not jelly – but there is no need in the first place).
These days had been quite a bit emotional for me with to many army returns and so I was super excited to go see Yunho!
We actually went hiking together! Out of all the things we could do I never thought it would be that in the end 😁 *haha* It still was fun despite the fact that I am a freakin’ lame-o who could not keep up with Yunho really, but he was kind enough to always wait for me so I could catch up again ^^°°° (sorry Yunho, I am not a good hiking person!)
Once we had finished our hike we went to eat somewhere because so much walking really makes you hungry.
While Yunho ordered for us I caught myself staring at him with fangirl eyes, thinking ‘what a man, man. *silent,internal sigh*’ and really embarrassed myself in front of myself because I then thought how I could be still like this… being married and all. Well, the inner fangirl never goes away and my heart would not be still. I was very happy that he is back now and anyway! Yunho is my forever bias like he probably is of almost every Cassie out there 😅 eh hehe~ *awkward laugh*
I couldn’t help my fangirl feelings but got really embarrassed wondering if Yunho knows… but hell! I was not about to ask him! *nervous cough*
Then the dream leaped forward to the evening and it was actually a place where a Tohoshinki event took place. Like the first after the army for Changmin and Yunho. I was there with some friends, waiting for it to start. everyone had dressed up a bit. But what I was really looking for was Siwon~ he was supposed to be there too. So my eyes kept searching the crowd and when I found him I quickly grabbed his arm and leaned on him ❤️❤️😊❤️❤️ somehow this is my first instinct when I see him: to cuddle up to him~
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me -> idiot in love:


The “Welcome Back Party” dream
(ppl involved: Siwon, me, Heechul and the evils)
August 2017

It was time for Siwon to return from the army! Even tho I had seen him sometime now and then when he was on vacay I was so glad that he came back for good now.
I found myself at Heechul’s apartment, waiting for the others to arrive. He wanted to have a welcome party for Siwon and we had prepared for the gathering. After everything was done we knew the other could be here any minute.
And indeed, Heechul suddenly said “Here they come!” and I went to the window besides him to look down and could see Kanging bringing Siwon to the front door of the apartment complex. Patti and Kyu, our young evils, were following closely.
It was not really a surprise party, Siwon had suspected it. He said Kangin acted weird so he knew. Heechul complained if he could not have acted a bit better xD
Well so after the happy greeting we sat down and I felt so happy! Even tho Patti and some of the SuJu members were around I felt so overwhelmed as if it was one of the first dates with Siwon. It was so silly because he sat across the table and we all were eating and talking. Not like a date at all but the butterflies in my tummy went wild!

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I cannot remember all that we talked about but one thing I remember clearly: Siwon said to Patti “I remember the time when you first came to Seoul to study.” and he said how super excited she had been.
Me → idiot in love: Patti said that she remembers things too, leaning into Kyuhyun and grinning strangely. And I only thought ‘here we go again’.
All in all nothing much had changed. Everyone was the same and that Siwon is now back was the best thing! \^^/


The “Prequel” dream
(ppl involved: Siwon and me)
June 2017

This was a good one! ^^ I never had a dream like this so listen to this:
It was like a prequel to the wedding dream from end 2015 and I was hella besides myself, because it was the evening before the wedding. My friends just had left and I was finishing a letter I wanted Siwon to have the next day and towards the end I just fell so nervous that I walked around the kitchen like “someone help me (இ﹏இ`。) ” . I wondere if I would do something stupid do ruin everything and since I had no experince with weddings at all (not even as a guest) the thought about how things would go and if they would go well gave me a good bit of anxiety. At some point I was just really nervously-confused not even really knowing why anymore. I read my letter like 5 times to make sure it was really finished and put myself to bed because I did not function as a human being anymore anyway.
The next day, the dream started again when I had just gotten into my dress and mom and my sister were finishing the details I couldn’t finish myself (hair, hairpins, lacing the dress up on the back). Had fought back my anxiety by that time and somehow now I only felt happiness and couldn’t wait to finally see Siwon in the church.
When my dad walked me down the aisle I smiled so wide and I can’t even remember if I was crying, idk~ (愛˘‿˘愛)
Siwon looked neat as hell in his black suit and was smiling like an idiot too. It all felt really different to our usual happiness and I was so glad that the ceremony now finally started.
The whole thing then took another leap forward and it was already towards the end of the wedding party. I was saying goodbye to a workmate who was leaving and as we talked she said that she has been talking to Siwon and was really happy for me finding a guy like this. For a reason I was really embarrassed and she kept talking about how nice he was and she could have never imagined when I talked about him before.
Another time-skip later it was the next day, we prepared for our honeymoon journey and while packing we were just really cuddly and all. The words of my workmate still echoes in my mind as I looked at Siwon and felt just so incredibly blessed. Like how did I ever deserve him? He was literally the nicest guy that there is (at lest for me) in the world and I felt an absurd amount of love towards him. ❤♡ʚ⃛꒰ᴖ͙◡ुᴖ͙꒱ɞ⃛♡❤ Like I could never believe it was possible for me to love him more than I already did, but I had thought that before and I always could love him more.
I can hardly start to describe this feeling of real happiness and love when I looked at him like yes, this is it. ^^

This was such a nice episode in my K-dreams… gosh! and it really made me miss having Siwon around with his tweets and everything. Hope he discharges from the army soon ^^


The “Meeting Up Again” dream
(ppl involved: Jaejoong and me)
May 2017

This was a happy one!
I went to a restaurant to meet up with Jaejoong again! =D It wasn’t far so I just walked.
It has been quite a while, as so often and I was really looking forward to seeing him.
We met there for dinner and had a real funny evening. Especially since Jaejoong had a bit too much and ended up being a little bit drunk. Not too bad, just enough to have funny thoughts. In the end it got us both laughing. Jaejoong because he laughed about everything in the end and me because he was like that (and he said funny things that probably only make sense when you’re tipsy).
When it was getting late we paid and left. Jaejoong insisted of walking me home because it was already dark. He wanted to bring me home safely.
On the way to Siwon’s and my house we came to talk about old times and Jaejoong was like “you know the time when Junsu and you broke up” and we could actually be funny about it. I thanked him for holding our group together, despite everything. He said it was quite a work and I sighed, saying “what a life.”.
We kept laughing and talking on our way, arms on each others shoulders in a friendly way (also, since JJ was tipsy, I feared he would enventually get onto the street like falling off the sidewalk so that way it was good). I had just really enjoyed the evening with our Jaejoong and it is always good to see him again. =)


The “Panicking for no Reason” dream
(ppl involved: my sister and her friend, Siwon and me)
April 2017

This was a strange one… and pretty confused so I can only remember fragments.
My sister wanted to absolutely go to an event and made us join. I had no idea what it was about since she wouldn’t tell. So we went to the city with her, Siwon and me and my sister’s best friend.
We walked into a mall and there were a lot of ppl in there already. Not like normal like ‘normal lot of ppl’… more like ‘there is something happening that attrackts them’-lot of ppl. Somehow this already made me nervous but I followed behind the others.
When we reached the center of the mall there was this kind of stage thing and ppl doing showing things/doing stuff on it in front of a crowd and my sister wanted to do that too. It was maybe like a contest of some sorts? Idk. In any case she wanted us all to do this and my anxiety sorta freaked out. I told her no two times because the very idea of this made me uncomfortable as in introvert and in the end finally left everyone, saying they could do this without me, because I had to get fresh air.
When outside I took a deep breath and literally tried to walk off my anxiety regarding ppl and in-front-of-audience-performances of any sort. Well, it was only working halfway through because then I thought what if everyone was now really disappointed in me. Especially Siwon. What if he thinks that is really lame of me? (*´・ω・)
I kept walking up and down the walkway in front of the mall, my thoughts spinning and in the end of course going wild because anxiety. I hardly ever had an attack that bad because now it was about Siwon and I am still hella afraid to lose him even tho we are already married. Because that would be one of the absolutely most devastating things to happen. So you can imagine I was about to be ridiculously worried. And it made even less sense because I kinda knew I was making myself crazy because… why should he be like that? I was really afraid and it made no sense, I knew that.
And that is the worst about anxiety: It makes no sense but you still follow these thoughts through like an idiot.
Next thing was that I was then suddenly stopped in my tracks by someone. It was Siwon and I never noticed him approaching me, but he held me by the shoulders and he asked “Sangmi-ya, are you alright?”. In the meantime I was almost crying and just said “I don’t want to do that. I can’t. I just can’t.”. I kept repeating that and he just hugged me and told me that it was alright. It was not even about this event thing anymore and I ended up crying just because out of my irrational fear to lose him.
After a bit I had calmed down and Siwon made me follow him back inside the mall again. On the way up the stairs to the level where the stage was he told me repeatedly that we did not have to do that, we could just watch. In the end we stood at the side of the stage like before and I hesitated to close up to him, being weary of this whole thing and he said again “It’s alright, we will just watch.”.
Ah gosh… I felt like such a bother to him and still was so greatful that he was so understanding. (ಥ﹏ಥ)♥
Ah, Siwon you got yourself such a trouble(/some)d wife! And what a husband I have! Thank god!

…. = = the thing I absolutely hated was just that my anxiety found a way into my dreams once more. Didn’t happen for a really long time and it sucked lots because it felt so real.
Hrrr… DIE, ANXIETY! DIE! ( ಠ益ಠ)︻╦╤─ .. \(anxiety)/   DAMN YOU!


The “Official Now and Chill” dream
(ppl involved: Siwon and me)
April 2017

I dunno how this happened with half the boys in the army, but: There was an event where SuJu performed for a bit. It was not their concert, they just appeared for like 3 Songs.
There was a middle-sized concert hall, I was backstage. Staff running around, other artists (I had no clue who they were, btw) and managers on their phones. The thing I did was just looking around and waiting for Siwon to come back xD
The boys were on stage at that moment. I had nothing better to do than waiting around. Pretty much all I ever do is waiting for Siwon to return ^//^ . While I was there I watched them dance like a stalker… ot at least I felt like one. Backstage watching feels weird, tbh.
When they were done Siwon came over to me directly (stood not too far from the stairs leading down from the stage) and we hugged. I congratulated them on their good performance and everyone left the stage area while other artist went on to perform. Some of SuJu walked ahead talking to staff, Siwon and I trailed after them, arms around each other. Peopel didn’t seem to give a fack and so we didn’t either 😁
It appeared to be an official thing with our marriage and all that nobody bothers anymore, the least of all us. We were just casually PDA-ing.
It was nice not to have the pressure of hiding on us anymore. I felt relaxed at last =)
I was really at ease and chill with the whole situation. Normally I would be always kind of looking back over my shoulder like ‘did anyone see? Did anyone notice anything?’. Thank god we can all chill with it now! (because it gets tiresome after some years but well… ^^)